Guest Blogger: Crasskins! Go Ahead, Make My Day

Tonight’s the night. Tonight’s the night. Tonight’s the NIGHT!!! After weeks invested, I’m pretty sure I’m getting laid tonight. She’s the kind of girl that was so hot, I’d never thought she’d like a geek like me. Still, I’d been wining and dining this girl for some time now. She wanted to take things slow as she had just gotten out of a long term relationship. That’s cool, I can understand that. I’m sensitive and compassionate like that, yo. However, I think she was impressed by my awesome cooking skills. I can make a serious fettuccini. Plus, I hadn’t even cooked my specialty yet, Soyaki Pork Chops with a yakisoba side.

“What’s up,” I asked, my voice two forced octaves lower.

“Hey! Is it cool if I still if I come over?” she asked.

“Yeah…you should totally CUM over,” I answered smoothly.

“What was that? Why do you sound so weird? Are you sick?”

“Oh, uh” I responded clearing my throat, “no…nothing….anyway you should totally swing by,”

“Cool, I just need to swing by the store to pick up some…safety items,” she giggled.

PROTECTION!?! Yes! I am TOTALLY getting laid tonight. We got off the phone and I prepared my room for its inevitable transformation into The Love Cove. Old boxers thrown in the closet? Check. Porn mags pushed far enough under the bed to not be noticed? Check. Dumbbells pseudo-haphazardly left in a prominent position in the room? Check. Okay. Ready, go!

She arrives. I let her in. Making out begins. There is groping. There is moaning. There is a Wal-Greens bag on my nightstand she has brought over. As things reach the point of no return, she reaches into the bag and pulls out a small box.

“Here put this on,” she demands.

I fumble around like Helen Keller before finally giving in and turning on a light.

Whoa! “What is this?” I question.

“What do you mean?” she inquires back.

“These are Magnums,” I exasperate.

“Oh! Is this one of your “anti-consumer” things? Do you not use them because they’re not made in America or something?”

“Uh…..no, that’s not generally why I don’t use them…”

“Well, I’m sorry,” she apologized “I’m not used to buying condoms, I don’t know much about them. I just bought the ones my EX used to always buy, so I trust the brand” she explained.

“Oh? These are the kind your ex used, huh? That’s cool…” I diverted, “uh, I’m kinda hungry…how do Pork Chops sound about now?”

Today, My Word Is Love

love:

A feeling of unconditional affection towards someone, compounded by a feeling of deep euphoria when thinking about them.

To love someone is to trust them with your heart, because you know that they won't break it. To look into their eyes and become lost in their inexplicable beauty. To want for them to be the best person they can be, and for you to be the best you can be to match them. To strive for their happiness, above all other material needs.

Love is the greatest feeling in the world. To love, and be loved, makes all else feel unimportant. All your troubles, your worries, your cares, simply melt away.

When you find that person, the one who completes you, the world suddenly makes sense. Every little injury hurts a little less. Every sunrise seems just that much more beautiful. Every moment, your loved one occupies your thoughts; you are never truly apart.

Love knows no jealousy. No anger, held longer than applicable. No quota of wrongdoing. Love abolishes all these.

Love is not lust. They should never be held together. Lust is the desire to be linked to one's body; love is the desire to be linked to one's soul.

Sometimes, love can hurt. Sometimes, it can damage, and break, until you say I shall not love again. But love can also mend, and soothe. It can repair what once was broken, and it can bandage and prop up what has been hurt.

In the end, love cannot be described. It cannot be held up, and examined, and quantified, and studied. Love has no peer. No equal. No synonym, no foil. Love is simply... love.

Happy Valentines Day.