Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Life Sans Cigarettes


What is your quality of life if you have to say no to gummy bears? I love gummy bears!! But I can't eat them because I'm trying not to gain weight. I'm trying not to gain weight because I quit smoking. Its been a crazy 20 days of no cigarettes for me. I'm sad to report that I spent the first two weeks of non smoking distracting myself with food to avoid smoking. I ate pizza, wings, tacos, more pizza and lots and lots of candy. I was using the 'by any means necessary' method. Um yeah, I've gained weight. It wasn't until I hopped on the scale and was a few pounds above my 'scary weight'that I realized how out of control this has gotten. My pants dance, the hopping around I do every morning when trying to get my jeans on is really becoming dangerous. Sometimes I just want to take up smoking again.

There is a part of me (that is somewhat irrational) that believes that I should be allowed to have my cake and eat it too. I want to thoroughly use up my body before I die. I want to smoke, drink and eat gummy bears and dance around while doing it. I wish I had the same self discipline I do for quitting smoking when it came to weight loss and dieting. I really find eating salads for dinner night after night depressing and dreadful. And its especially hard to not eat like shit when The Chapstick Lez is eating strawberry shortcake, five peanut butter sandwiches (hold the jelly), sugar cookies and popcorn for lunch. She keeps asking me if I want some and I want to punch her becuase I'm over here eating carrots.

Sometimes, I have a lot of respect for anorexics. They have so much determination.

4 comments:

Kari said...

Chapstick Lez here... As I sit here eating my extra butter popcorn I find myself pondering what my quality of life is. Well I smoke, drink, eat like the queen that I am and I think even harder and find myself saying "my quality of life is fucking awesome, I do what I want when I want to, isn't that what life is about? Fuck yes I say again...if only my friendly Jana banana would join me..."

Jana said...

Yeah, your comment is making me sad. Believe me when I tellyou that I would LOVE to join you. At this point part of what is keeping me from smoking is pride, proving to those who didn't think I could quit that, ha ha, I can. If only there was a way I could apply that to my diet. Food gives such joy. *Sigh* Fml. Alcohol is all I have to hold onto and look forward to in my life. Maybe this explains the Friday night Cosmopolitan catastrophy......

Kari said...

Drinking is just as bad as food...think of it this way if you monitor your drinking then you can eat more. It's a good thought

Jana said...

Thanks for submitting this thought via comment. ha.