Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Life Sans Cigarettes
What is your quality of life if you have to say no to gummy bears? I love gummy bears!! But I can't eat them because I'm trying not to gain weight. I'm trying not to gain weight because I quit smoking. Its been a crazy 20 days of no cigarettes for me. I'm sad to report that I spent the first two weeks of non smoking distracting myself with food to avoid smoking. I ate pizza, wings, tacos, more pizza and lots and lots of candy. I was using the 'by any means necessary' method. Um yeah, I've gained weight. It wasn't until I hopped on the scale and was a few pounds above my 'scary weight'that I realized how out of control this has gotten. My pants dance, the hopping around I do every morning when trying to get my jeans on is really becoming dangerous. Sometimes I just want to take up smoking again.
There is a part of me (that is somewhat irrational) that believes that I should be allowed to have my cake and eat it too. I want to thoroughly use up my body before I die. I want to smoke, drink and eat gummy bears and dance around while doing it. I wish I had the same self discipline I do for quitting smoking when it came to weight loss and dieting. I really find eating salads for dinner night after night depressing and dreadful. And its especially hard to not eat like shit when The Chapstick Lez is eating strawberry shortcake, five peanut butter sandwiches (hold the jelly), sugar cookies and popcorn for lunch. She keeps asking me if I want some and I want to punch her becuase I'm over here eating carrots.
Sometimes, I have a lot of respect for anorexics. They have so much determination.