JanuBerry With Jana Banana...What I Learned

January is coming to a close and I realize I've posted a ridiculous amount of blogs this month. I don't think I can go on like this forever. You'll wind up reading about something totally boring like my favorite candy, um wait a second....

I learned that blogging is all about content and to write about what you know about. Sadly for Jana Nye that consists of smoking cessation, drinking too much and other random nonsense. I stopped worrying about traffic and comments and found out I have a lot more readers than I thought. So if you are here, reading this please drop me a comment and let me know if there are any posts you liked in particular or any you didn't. Is anyone reading this??? Hello?? Fuck my life.

Life Sans Cigarettes

What is your quality of life if you have to say no to gummy bears? I love gummy bears!! But I can't eat them because I'm trying not to gain weight. I'm trying not to gain weight because I quit smoking. Its been a crazy 20 days of no cigarettes for me. I'm sad to report that I spent the first two weeks of non smoking distracting myself with food to avoid smoking. I ate pizza, wings, tacos, more pizza and lots and lots of candy. I was using the 'by any means necessary' method. Um yeah, I've gained weight. It wasn't until I hopped on the scale and was a few pounds above my 'scary weight'that I realized how out of control this has gotten. My pants dance, the hopping around I do every morning when trying to get my jeans on is really becoming dangerous. Sometimes I just want to take up smoking again.

There is a part of me (that is somewhat irrational) that believes that I should be allowed to have my cake and eat it too. I want to thoroughly use up my body before I die. I want to smoke, drink and eat gummy bears and dance around while doing it. I wish I had the same self discipline I do for quitting smoking when it came to weight loss and dieting. I really find eating salads for dinner night after night depressing and dreadful. And its especially hard to not eat like shit when The Chapstick Lez is eating strawberry shortcake, five peanut butter sandwiches (hold the jelly), sugar cookies and popcorn for lunch. She keeps asking me if I want some and I want to punch her becuase I'm over here eating carrots.

Sometimes, I have a lot of respect for anorexics. They have so much determination.

Go Jana!

Its been ten days! Go me! I'm wondering if it is possible for time to move any slower. I have learned that quitting smoking is all about the psychological addiction for me not so much the physical dependence on nicotine. I am currently mourning the loss of cigarettes. I am somewhere between depression and bargaining in the grieving process. Please don't make fun of me. Cigarettes and I have been in a relationship for a long time. They were always there for me during stressful times, breakups, fights, drunken nights, and somehow during impoverished times in Las Vegas. I caught myself bargaining on Saturday night while drinking with friends. I almost convinced myself that it is OK to smoke when I drink. But luckily I was able to recognize that it was me bargaining and denied myself yet another cigarette. I really want to be a non smoker. I really hope I am able to stop for good. Heres hoping.

More On Smoking Cessation

Remember the movie Casper starring Christina Ricci as Kat and Bill Pullan as Dr. James Harvey? Yes, yes of course you do. Well Dr. James Harvey makes an excellent point in that movie about the dead needing closure or else they cannot crossover to the other side because they have unfinished business. Or something like that.

Last night while standing at the bar tapping my fingers, twitching my foot and feening for a cigarette, I had an epiphany. I thought of Casper and realized that my cigarettes and I have unfinished business. You see I quit smoking when I got a tip from the universe telling me to stop *grin*. So that last cigarette I smoked sometime between 5pm and 7pm on 01/04/2010 was my last, I never got to say goodbye.

Now the evil cigarettes are pissed of that I ditched them and are haunting me. I don't really think my ghost is friendly like Casper though. I feel like it is something more sinister like that of the shit-your-pants-with-fear demon in Paranormal Activity. And you know that shit didn't end well.

What to do? Hire and exorcist? Confront my ghost? Sick Charlie on it? Smoke a cigarette and have a proper goodbye. This is so confusing.

Pillow Talk

Cigarette: Hi Jana
Jana: Hi cigarette
Cigarette: I haven't seen you in a while.
Jana: I know I'm trying to quit.
Cigarette: I miss you Jana. Don't you miss me??
Jana: Yes cigarette, I miss you very, very much.
Cigarette: I miss our mornings ♥.
Jana: Me too. I don't know what to do after I sip my coffee.
Cigarette: I've been hanging out in stores and gas stations waiting for you.
Jana:I know cigarette. I've been avoiding you because you will eventually kill me.
Cigarette: Thats what they want you to think Jana.
Jana: What do you mean?
Cigarette: Think of how relaxed you feel when your lips are wrapped around me. You can always count on me and I'm reliable.
Jana: Now, now cigarette I don't appreciate your rouse.
Cigarette: My what?
Jana: Your rouse. Your cunning attempt to trick me.
Cigarette: Whatever bitch! I saw those Nicotine Lozenges weeks ago! You cheated!
Jana: Its really whats best cigarette please try to understand.
Cigarette: I'm not good enough right? I'm not worth the money right!?
Jana: Its me, not you.
Cigarette: Fuck you, I hope I blacken your lungs and stunk up your home and car with my ashtray like scents.
Jana: You did cigarette, but I forgive you.
Cigarette: I'm going to KILL YOU!
Jana: I know that's why I'm flushing you down this abyss. It won't hurt cigarette. *flush*
The End