More On Smoking Cessation

Remember the movie Casper starring Christina Ricci as Kat and Bill Pullan as Dr. James Harvey? Yes, yes of course you do. Well Dr. James Harvey makes an excellent point in that movie about the dead needing closure or else they cannot crossover to the other side because they have unfinished business. Or something like that.

Last night while standing at the bar tapping my fingers, twitching my foot and feening for a cigarette, I had an epiphany. I thought of Casper and realized that my cigarettes and I have unfinished business. You see I quit smoking when I got a tip from the universe telling me to stop *grin*. So that last cigarette I smoked sometime between 5pm and 7pm on 01/04/2010 was my last, I never got to say goodbye.

Now the evil cigarettes are pissed of that I ditched them and are haunting me. I don't really think my ghost is friendly like Casper though. I feel like it is something more sinister like that of the shit-your-pants-with-fear demon in Paranormal Activity. And you know that shit didn't end well.

What to do? Hire and exorcist? Confront my ghost? Sick Charlie on it? Smoke a cigarette and have a proper goodbye. This is so confusing.

Pillow Talk

Cigarette: Hi Jana
Jana: Hi cigarette
Cigarette: I haven't seen you in a while.
Jana: I know I'm trying to quit.
Cigarette: I miss you Jana. Don't you miss me??
Jana: Yes cigarette, I miss you very, very much.
Cigarette: I miss our mornings ♥.
Jana: Me too. I don't know what to do after I sip my coffee.
Cigarette: I've been hanging out in stores and gas stations waiting for you.
Jana:I know cigarette. I've been avoiding you because you will eventually kill me.
Cigarette: Thats what they want you to think Jana.
Jana: What do you mean?
Cigarette: Think of how relaxed you feel when your lips are wrapped around me. You can always count on me and I'm reliable.
Jana: Now, now cigarette I don't appreciate your rouse.
Cigarette: My what?
Jana: Your rouse. Your cunning attempt to trick me.
Cigarette: Whatever bitch! I saw those Nicotine Lozenges weeks ago! You cheated!
Jana: Its really whats best cigarette please try to understand.
Cigarette: I'm not good enough right? I'm not worth the money right!?
Jana: Its me, not you.
Cigarette: Fuck you, I hope I blacken your lungs and stunk up your home and car with my ashtray like scents.
Jana: You did cigarette, but I forgive you.
Cigarette: I'm going to KILL YOU!
Jana: I know that's why I'm flushing you down this abyss. It won't hurt cigarette. *flush*
The End

Last Nights Photos, Regrets and French Fries

There is nothing more thrilling than when you are out with someone super fun (ahem, Michelle) and you have a camera, drinks and some fucking awesome music. You start to snap some photos. You may be on the dance floor of a club or at your corner bar when this happens. You may even by in the bathroom of a corner bar (ahem Hannons). You are thinking, these photos are gonna be on the Internet tomorrow and they're going to be awesome. I'm totally making one of these my default picture on Facebook/Myspace/Twitter.

Good Morning! Rise and shine! You are lying on the bathroom floor, your panties are in your hair and you want water, french fires and a cigarette, NOW but not in that order. You walk sluggishly to your computer and type go to whatever social network you see fit to see the damage. And there you are, you drunk mess you. Looking HOT and SEXY like every drink you are holding is your first. You breathe a sigh of relief and run in to the bathroom to puke. You'll update everything tomorrow. I love my fucking friends.

a world of pain dude

My dear circle of readers,

I think there are three of us now! ( me included). So we can kind of form a circle right?? Right guys?? Hello? Are you there??

Anyways, I recently made the decision to quit smoking. I have no idea how this is going to go or if I will even be successful. For a long time I was in denial about the harm that smoking was causing me and now that I'm 25 I'm starting to notice wheezing and coughing so its time to nip it in the bud. My two favorite cousins have recently quit for more than thirty days so that is encouraging.

My original quit date was February 15th 2010. But I quit suddenly last night when I when I had a moment of clarity and was convinced that the universe does not want me to smoke anymore. I have my reasons to quit, I have my plan to quit, and more importantly I have my nicotine replacement therapy now all I need is the will to actually do it. Fml.

So far I have discovered that removing all lighters and ashtrays is imperative. Today on my way to work it seemed like suddenly all the lighters I own were sitting somewhere in sight in my car. When I see a lighter...it reminds me of a cigarette, which reminds me that I'm not smoking at the moment, which makes me want to, which reminds me that I'm quitting followed by panic and irrational behavior.

I am also discovering that I'm really antsy when I'm not smoking. I find it hard to focus on a movie or my boyfriend and am constantly eating candy. I tried watching 500 Days of Summer last night, which is a movie that I've wanted to see for months. I was on the couch, then I moved to the chair, then I got up to get something to drink, then I checked my Facebook, then my email then back to the couch...you get the idea. I have sudden onset ADD.

I'm sure I will be discovering many more annoying side effects of my new non nicotine life. I feel bad for my co workers and but mostly for Jake. He will be the one stuck living with me and my crazy and bizarre mood swings. Poor guy. Another big, big, big challenge will be drinking. Drinking and smoking is like peas and carrots for me. I think I'll steer clear of the pubs for a while. Anyways who knows how this will go... You know how in AA they say to take it one day at a time. Well I'm taking it one hour at a time and am constantly referring to my list of reasons to quit to get me through. I hope this works. But I have no doubts I am well aware that I am entering a world of pain.

The Trailblazer

Alice S. Rossi died at the age of 87 on Tuesday. The OG feminist scholar, sociologist and founder of NOW- thats huge!

She also is the author an influential article that I once stumbled across "Equality Between the Sexes: An Immodest Proposal.” Which at the time made me afraid to become a mother fearing that it would be all I would identify with.

May she rest in peace.

Thats all.

Purple Rain

This is me getting wiggy wit it on Halloween. I was a cross between and 80's groupie and an MTV VJ. I loved my wig and so did some really creepy guys who just stared at me and said...'you look sweet as f*ck, walk behind this building with me'.

I wish I had the balls to do this...for real. I mean cut and dye my hair...not walk behind the building with the creeper.

I was very sad after reading an article in USA Today about the Soviet Union launching a dog into space on November 3, 1957. Poor Laika. I guess her little heart rate soared and she died quickly of overheating and stress.

:( Couldn't they have sent something else besides a cute dog? Like cockroches. Rip puppy.