Tuesday, January 5, 2010

a world of pain dude

My dear circle of readers,

I think there are three of us now! ( me included). So we can kind of form a circle right?? Right guys?? Hello? Are you there??

Anyways, I recently made the decision to quit smoking. I have no idea how this is going to go or if I will even be successful. For a long time I was in denial about the harm that smoking was causing me and now that I'm 25 I'm starting to notice wheezing and coughing so its time to nip it in the bud. My two favorite cousins have recently quit for more than thirty days so that is encouraging.

My original quit date was February 15th 2010. But I quit suddenly last night when I when I had a moment of clarity and was convinced that the universe does not want me to smoke anymore. I have my reasons to quit, I have my plan to quit, and more importantly I have my nicotine replacement therapy now all I need is the will to actually do it. Fml.

So far I have discovered that removing all lighters and ashtrays is imperative. Today on my way to work it seemed like suddenly all the lighters I own were sitting somewhere in sight in my car. When I see a lighter...it reminds me of a cigarette, which reminds me that I'm not smoking at the moment, which makes me want to, which reminds me that I'm quitting followed by panic and irrational behavior.

I am also discovering that I'm really antsy when I'm not smoking. I find it hard to focus on a movie or my boyfriend and am constantly eating candy. I tried watching 500 Days of Summer last night, which is a movie that I've wanted to see for months. I was on the couch, then I moved to the chair, then I got up to get something to drink, then I checked my Facebook, then my email then back to the couch...you get the idea. I have sudden onset ADD.

I'm sure I will be discovering many more annoying side effects of my new non nicotine life. I feel bad for my co workers and but mostly for Jake. He will be the one stuck living with me and my crazy and bizarre mood swings. Poor guy. Another big, big, big challenge will be drinking. Drinking and smoking is like peas and carrots for me. I think I'll steer clear of the pubs for a while. Anyways who knows how this will go... You know how in AA they say to take it one day at a time. Well I'm taking it one hour at a time and am constantly referring to my list of reasons to quit to get me through. I hope this works. But I have no doubts I am well aware that I am entering a world of pain.

1 comment:

Kari said...

Have you ever seen the commercial about smoking and drinking...Brandy had to explain it to me, but it basically says that if you say that you smoke only when you drink then why isn't it that you drink while you smoke. I don't know weird little blurp I have. I think you will do just fine if you give it time. If it helps you can make fun of me more and lay into me so Jake doesn't have to deal with a ton of it.